Monthly Family Review

Once a month Amore and I get together to review the month that was and uncover the month that will be.

We usually do this on the last Saturday. We plan a time for ourselves, sometimes at home, many times at the Schoenstatt Sanctuary that is about half an hour away.

This is our favorite spot, as we can have all the privacy we need. The place is beautiful with its surrounding gardens, we can enjoy the view of the snow tipped volcano and have a place for prayer that spreads tranquility.

We follow a pattern.

We begin with a prayer of thanks for the gifts we have received, be they positive or apparently negative. (I say apparently as I have found that even the hardest moments end - perhaps years later, many times sooner - with positive results).

We then review, individually, the previous month.We measure our actions and responses against our objectives; we look at new things that happened or didn't, and we ask ourselves three questions, and write all this down:

• What can I learn from this? (What is God telling me).
• How did I respond? (How did I answer).
• How should I have responded? (How would I have liked to answer Our Lord).

We apply these questions to three scenarios from our lives:
- As a family, as parents and as husband and wife.
- On personal human relationships - friends and relatives.
- Professionally. On our spiritual growth. Both prayer and in regards to action.

We then share those things we believe should be shared.

After this we do something very similar for the coming month - based on what we see coming, and more importantly, regarding our attitude and goals.

Part of this, is that we set aside a time just for ourselves, once every week.
I like films, and eating out (fishing isn't allowed on a night out).
Amore likes museums, plays and concerts. So we combine these, alternating weeks.

Tonight is Amore's turn and we are going to the ballet.

We also plan a specific outings, either one day or the whole weekend, dedicated to the family.

This past February was the trip to the jungle - rafting, kayaking and caving.

We finish knowing we have charged our batteries; we have invested in our relationship and we look to the forthcoming month with optimism and knowing that living each day to the full will be possible as well as delightful.

Family Meal Time

Many of us have heard over the years that one of the most important family times is meal time.

I couldn't agree more.

The problem is that in this day and age it is getting more and more difficult to manage the time part of this equation.

For a family of seven, 5 kids plus mom and pop, everyone has different engagements and different priorities. We span the age spectrum going from 9 to 50.

Breakfast is always hectic as everyone starts the day with a large disparity of energy, time awareness and occasional peskiness. It is always a rushed affair, with family members appearing and disappearing at different moments.

Lunch is just about impossible with the different school and work schedules. I never make it as my work is over 45 minutes away, and the rest glide in at intervals.

We do manage a few dinners together every month, but the quality family time is weak.

How to get round this.

We (as in all of us) have come up with a few alternatives that are fun and contribute to family bonding.

• Once a week we have a family night. One of us acts as master of ceremonies, which means he or she can choose the menu, the conversation subjects as well as the after dinner activities. Usually a movie. We all get a chance to be in charge once every seven weeks and as we all have different favorite foods we learn to accept other family member's choices - which is very important in such a rowdy home.

• Once a month we "the parents" take one of the children out for his or her night out. A meal at a restaurant, followed by skating, bowling or a movie. We therefore also manage to make that one child feel extra special.

• Either Saturday or Sunday morning we have an extra special brunch. This is a new development which everyone wants to keep. Everybody, including the dogs and the cat (by the way we have a new white frog in the home), pitches in with cooking, setting the table, talking, laughing, dancing and playing. We are not doing so well yet with the cleaning up, but I am optimistic.

In short, family time, together time and specific time is quality time put to very good use.

Future Perfect

Many years ago I actually studied Latin at school. Quite honestly I hated it. I barely remember "amo, amas, amat..." (I love, you love, he loves..). I always felt it was a contradiction in terms - to begin with love while learning a dead language. For a time I thought it was Tiddles'(Latin master) sense of humor. I was quite deflated when I realized it was standard practice.

One thing that did stay with me was the tenses. I can't remember if you decline or conjugate verbs. Be that as it may, I had to learn the tenses. Apart from the present, the past and the future, you have the active and the passive voice.

But my favorite, without really knowing how to apply it, is:

The Future Perfect

What a marvelous concept. A perfect future.

For the immediate future, this coming week includes:

- Our 20th wedding anniversary, and Amore's birthday on the same day. I have always insisted I am her present so she shouldn't expect much more. Somehow she doesn't agree. I wonder why. So instead we will have a private party.

Longer term that is our ideal. A Perfect Future.

If our past is anything to go by, and it is, we are living this perfect future. A brief view must include the fact we met one Thursday evening, decided to get married a week later and married within the month. I was living in England at the time so for the span of two weeks we exchanged letters daily, until she caught up with me in London.

For some time after our marriage the postman still brought our love letters. And this is a habit we have kept, more or less. Come to think of it I haven't written to her for a while. (Something else for my to do list).

I still remember my first letter to her, written on the plane from Quito to London. I explained that I was absolutely sure of what I was doing, but if she had second thoughts, she had every right to do so. About ten days later in London I received a letter from her where she stated the same thing.

Back to the first letter I wrote her.

I went on to say that I would do my utmost so that our love would never become ordinary, a habit. I could see us walking had in hand, with occasional eye exchanges that were full of meaning, as we talked without saying a word. This would take place sometime, when I had less hair, was rounder and perhaps using a walking stick. She would also be older, with gray hair and most importantly be by my side.

I would pass my fingers over her face, hesitating slightly over the wrinkles round her eyes as I admired and loved them. These were the well earned scars of a full life. Each one reflecting a life lived and loved to the full.

This Perfect Future is also born out of the Future Past. And the Perfect Present is the one where it all comes to be.

Tips For A Successful Marriage

Did you hear about the couple who have ten children and recently celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary?

When asked how they managed fifty years of marriage and with so many children, she answered that many years ago as a young couple they reached an agreement.

Whoever walked out on the marriage would take the children!

Another, a British couple, reached their eightieth anniversary. He was around 101 and she 98.

When asked for the secret of their success she said that they never went to sleep angry or without a goodnight kiss.

He, on the other hand, stated his secret. He always answered "Yes, dear".

There are a few lessons here, including the magic of humor.

And, as the second case shows, their ability to recognize, respect and enjoy the differences between the sexes - and living their compatibility to the fullest.